I am Happy to be a Fool

I have been fortunate to meet “all kinds” of people. Sad people, Happy people, upset rigid people, accommodating people, frustrated people, complacent people, angelic people & the list goes on…

The more I meet people, the more I have been able to understand that people are made of mind-sets & these mindsets don’t get built in one day. It takes years of hard work & repetition of patterns for each human being, who is born with a pure clear mind, to gather thousands of impressions that affect our overall responses, attitudes & behavioral patterns.

I have been fortunate to meet “all kinds” of people
with different mindsets

Sometimes, the memory connected to our response is lost, hence when asked ‘but, why is it that you don’t want to drink milk’ the answer is ‘because I don’t like it’ & we are not necessarily aware of a probable event that left behind the impression ‘I don’t like milk’.

For example: For years, I was terrified of water & every time I went close to any water body, I thought I was going to drown. After a lot of introspection I realized my fear of water was connected to a memory from my tender childhood where I went with my family for a trip to Haridwaar for the holy dip in river Ganges; This, my first dip in the river ever, left behind a strong impression that I was probably going to drown. Even though the memory faded, the fear stayed on!

It is also true that our patterns go through different phases in the process of evolution. Despite the faded memories, our mindsets go remain in different phases / zones.

Before we go on to discuss the different mind zones, please take a moment to ask yourself & answer these questions:

Q1. When sitting down to eat food, do you:

A) Like to eat only tried out choices from the menu card

B) Become uncomfortable if asked to try out something new

C) Making a choice to taste something you have not had before

D) Stick to standard age-old menu & smile & say you are happy with your lentil & rice & donot wish to try anything new.

Q2. When planning a vacation, do you:

A) Always go to a known destination

B) Give back a closed ‘no’ when asked to join a group to a new city

C) Look for new adventures you have not tried out so far

D) Go straight to the ancestral city for a vacation, return back to work, and donot even check out other holiday options available.

Q3. On Meeting people in a familiar or new environment, do you:

A) Automatically gravitate to the aunt / cousin you know you get along with

B) Feel interrupted when a new guest joins in the conversation

C) Look out for new people & make it a point to go talk to them

D) Go & stay in a corner with your grandmother, and are completely indifferent & unaware of who all came for the event.

I am comfortable being with this group

Answers mostly A’s means a person lives in his Comfort zone most of the time: 

The mind likes to sticking to patterns & is doing only what is known to fall under the ‘I am alright with the (known) result of this’ category.

Answers mostly B’s would indicate the mind being in a Conflict zone:

A breaking of patterns or a demand to do things where the outcome is not known or not experienced first hand.

Answers mostly C’s show an enterprising Challenge zone:

Breaking of patterns with the attitude ‘I don’t know what will be, but I am willing to go through it for the sake of getting an experience’.

Answers mostly d’s show a tendency to move more towards the Fools’ zone:

Where we are happy to pretend that I donot acknowledge that any change in pattern in needed at all, I donot know how else to exist & wish to stay as I am. 

•                Challenges & Fools zone have more to do with oneself.

•                Comfort & Conflict zone can be within ones mind & also with other people or external situations.

In the process of meeting many ‘people’ of many ‘kinds’ I very often get an opportunity to study the conflicts zone closely. I am expected to be the troubleshooter in volatile & explosive situations.

Whether in personal relationships or between people in a Non-Governmental voluntary organization, I have grown to realize that when problems are not getting solved & have only been growing for years & years, it is so:

… because people think that living in the conflict zone is more comfortable & brings more peace than leaving the conflict would.

Surprised!!! Don’t be!!

Even though being in a state of conflict with people or situations brings with it a lot of mental torment, I have observed more than once that people remain in a state of conflict because this brings comfort.

Conflict brings with it freedom ‘I am not going to involve this person, because we are not on good terms’

Conflict brings competitiveness ‘I want to do well, because I want to show the other person down’

Conflict brings support from unexpected quarters / people.

Conflict raises ego (thus determination) & self-esteem (or even self-belief).

Throughout the conflict we also go through the challenges zone, where we repeatedly have the choice to stand up & break patterns that have been set over a period of time;

On embracing change, we become comfortable with
the challenges zone & THIS makes us unshakeable.

Some courageous ones do break out & this leads to true Inner unshakeable Transformation. On embracing change, we become comfortable with the challenges zone & THIS makes us unshakeable.

But sometimes, when a state of conflict has remained for a long period of time without any resistance or without want for change, then the most threatening phase creeps in, where, we are indifferent to our own self, we are indifferent to our surroundings & we very comfortably tell ourselves, I don’t know what went wrong with my life and we tell ourselves…

THE VOCA PEOPLE.Photo courtesy
The Music Center at Strathmore

… I am a fool and I am happy about it

…and THIS becomes the end of growth & of the evolution of our beautiful mind.

How to get over the loss of losing someone close?

I met a lady in wardha city 2 days back. She had lost her young 15 yr old son in a road accident. He was waiting outside the house & was hit by a speeding motorcycle bringing instant death.

Now, 8 months after her son’s death, the lady was crying uncontrollably when she met me. The topmost questions on her mind were, ‘Why me? Why did this happen to my son? I am not able to forget him, what do I do?”

This reminded me of the time 19 months back when within one month, I lost both my mother & my father to cancer. Even though they had been severely ill for the last few months of their life, nothing could have prepared me for the inevitable moment.

After their death, I went & stayed in the Art of Living ashram in bangalore. Not wanting to teach, not wanting to meet anyone, I would stay holed up in my room without seeing a single soul. Even though I have been on the spiritual path for so many years, after my parents death, meditations became a herculean task for me. Every time I closed my eyes, I felt the soft touch of my mom's hand in mine & this forced me to immediately open my eyes.

My everyday practice of 'Sudarshan Kriya' (breathing technique) & the positivity of my dear friends helped tremendously. 

Today, I am back to normal life. Thought I would share the elements that helped me get over the loss of losing those who are dear to us:

1.Give yourself space & time. Allow yourself to cry:

Healing takes time. After spending many years with someone, the person’s loss naturally brings a vacuum. I would allow myself to cry for hours thinking my life would never be the same again. 
Today I know(for sure) that time is the best healer.

2. Keep busy & Allow yourself to smile:

When we become busy with work, we have less free time on hand to ponder on what happened. Keeping busy also brings with it many opportunities to once again smile at life’s beautiful gifts.

3. There are others far worse off than me:

There is so much sadness in this world. So much suffering, just wake up & see. Getting out of our own small world & looking at people around brought me into a space of gratitude.

4. I thank God for the people I still have in my life:

The lady in wardha told me she had lost the desire to live & was very often tempted to commit suicide. I made her aware that she was not being fair to her daughter & husband by shutting herself from the outside world. Her son was gone, but she still had her own life & her family to take care of.

5. Get involved in selfless service:

Every time I miss my mom, I buy or cook(if possible) food(mom's favourite dish) & go feed a poor person. 
Going out & doing something for someone without asking for anything in return, brought a space of contentment & satisfaction that nothing else can compare with. 

6. Know the eventuality: there is nothing you could have done:

Loss brings with it many thoughts of things I could have or should have done. Few events in life are pre-determined, death is one of them. 
No matter how much we try, we need to accept that there is nothing 'more' we could have done to change the situation from being the way it is now.

7. Cultivate positive friendships:

The kind of company you keep at times of emotional trauma makes a world of difference to how soon you will get over the loss.

Reading Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji’s knowledge, listening to Ashtavakra Gita & communication with my friend helped me heal a lot faster.

8. Make the person’s memories immortal: 

Today, when I get complimented on my values or my caring nature, I mentally thank my mother for it. Whenever I get an opportunity I quote my father as an example for self-less service towards his Guru.

We can make the people we have lost immortal by carrying forward their goodness & their contribution to this world.

A dear friend lost her beloved husband & was unable to get over the loss. Her husband was an amazing photographer. She later hosted exhibitions of her husbands work & found solace in the hundreds of compliments her husband’s work got!

THIS is exactly what a friend said ‘Writing a blog is the best thing to do. Even after our death, our thoughts will remain immortal thanks to technology’

Message for the Week:

Value those you have, while you still have them. 

Make up with those who mean a lot, while you still have an opportunity.

Life is short & unpredictable. If you have been putting off that one phone call, 'now' is the best moment to dial the number!

Whats 'New' about the 'New Year'!

According to the Hindu calendar, Today is the beginning of the New Year.

Wonder whats 'New' about the New Year today!!

Is it simply a change of date or do we truly wish for a new beginning, dropping of past concepts and a new mind set;

Am sharing here a post by Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji that appeared in Huffington Post as a New Year message this year.

Here's wishing for a new way of life filled with Inner peace and prosperity. Wishing all my friends & readers a Happy Gudi Padva, Happy Ugadi & Happy Cheti Chand.

7 Ways to Achieve Inner Peace and Prosperity in the New Year

-- by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar Posted: 01 January 2013 in Huffington Post

Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji

Each new year, people wish each other happiness, prosperity and peace, but only a few seem to know how to be peaceful -- like only a few know how to make money. Here are some steps that might help one to find the most needed inner peace.

1. Take Time for Yourself

Often, we become so engrossed in our day-to-day activities, we simply end up gathering more and more information, and do not take time out to think and reflect. Then we feel dull and tired.

A few quiet moments everyday are the source of creativity. Silence heals and rejuvenates and gives you depth and stability. Sometime during the day, sit for a few minutes; get into the cave of your heart, eyes closed, and keep the world away.

Taking some time for yourself improves the quality of your life.

2. Know the Impermanence of Life

Nail the MONOrail

Tired of the monotonous routine of everyday life? Sometimes performing repetitive non-intellectual acts can appear to be boring & bring frustration & also depression.

Monotony is an inbuilt aspect of our lives. Internally, my heartbeat, functioning of every organ is monotonous & repetitive. On a more gross level, habits like eating food, brushing my teeth, bathing etc. are repetitive & monotonous.

Our 5 senses create an illusion of breaking the monotony. I have a variety of flavours, colours, smells; these prevent me from getting ‘bored’ of doing repetitive acts like ‘eating’ everyday.

I have, however, wondered very often, why monotony & repetition is such a big part of my everyday activity?? There had to be a reason. 

I would like to share a story here that comes to my mind:

Once a woman wanted to learn how to meditate! She approached a wise man & the wise man re-directed her to a goldsmith. The woman approached the goldsmith & said, “Please teach me how to meditate!”