What is Good? What is Bad? (Part III : People)

Last week during a discussion in chandrapur to start an alcohol de-addiction program under the 'Volunteer for a Better India (VBI)’ campaign, a simple looking housewife came forth aggressively against alcoholism. I was surprised at the emotional reaction of this erstwhile quiet woman.

This lady later asked for a private audience and broke into tears after sharing that her life was miserable because of her alcoholic husband and father-in-law. She was extremely worried about the future of her children & by joining the VBI de-addiction drive she was hopeful that she would be able to help others even though there was little she could do for her own family.

The above incident led to me think: ‘People’ play a very important role in our lives: can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

Forget the generation gaps, the cultural differences, language & religion based barriers, leave aside the moral, political, social & ethical policing. From our limited bunch of ‘every day people’ (i.e. my milkman, housemaid, friends, family, co-workers, acquaintance’s etc) who gets labeled as a good person and who’s Bad?

It is known and very often experienced that acts, words & thoughts of my ‘everyday people’ is a cause for trigger of either pleasantness or an unpleasantness in me. Have you noticed this yet?

Like in the above-mentioned case, the presence of alcohol addicts in her own personal life, triggered emotions that made the lady's participation more active than that of others in the group.

Given that ‘People’ cause an emotional trigger:

Thumb Rule #3: 

“Every Individual who triggers a good feeling in me gets labeled as a good person; Every person who becomes a cause of a shrinking feeling in me gets labeled as a unpleasant person.”

Observing the list of people around me: Every individual around me whose words, actions or thoughts have brought in me:

·      A feeling of confidence, love, trust, empathy, selflessness or any other positive quality is labeled as a ‘good person’.

·      Have caused a rise of negative feelings like hatred, distrust, brought down my confidence, acted as a de-motivator, etc gets labeled as a ‘not nice or unpleasant person’.

It’s lovely to be with people who bring positivity in us; how do we deal with those who give rise to negative emotions in us?

I love what Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji has said on this subject. “Every individual is like a postman bringing you a letter. You don’t get angry with a postman for delivering bad news’ Indeed not, do you?

In my personal life, over the years, faces changed, but my triggers remained the same!!

I have learnt the hard way, that there is no formula in this whole world that can help change the people around me; however a little shift in my own mindset can definitely change the way I look at them.

After many fall and rises I have started working on the triggers & now the individuals' words, thoughts and actions have become less important.

What if we looked at the person separate from their particular action or words that cause discomfort in us! For eg: I told the VBI group: This would be a fight against addiction for alcohol, and not a fight against the addict.

Now when I meet a rude or cunning or a ego-centric person, I have the choice:

·      Either to develop a feeling of dislike for the person or

·      To tell myself that this is an opportunity for me to develop a skill for dealing with people

If I can retain my inner peace & balance with this one person, I can manage anyone like him / her in this world. I certainly feel more empowered by the second way of looking at things.

Message for the week:

Make a list of 5 people in your life (and their particular habit pattern) that you like / dislike intensely!

Make a conscious choice:

·      Will you allow the pattern to unsettle you OR

·   Are you going to overpower your own inner imbalance, bring a mind shift about the pattern & find a peace that no one can steal!

What choice are you going to make this week?

As a second step: Introspect & see: what do you get labeled as? Good or…