How to get over the loss of losing someone close?

I met a lady in wardha city 2 days back. She had lost her young 15 yr old son in a road accident. He was waiting outside the house & was hit by a speeding motorcycle bringing instant death.

Now, 8 months after her son’s death, the lady was crying uncontrollably when she met me. The topmost questions on her mind were, ‘Why me? Why did this happen to my son? I am not able to forget him, what do I do?”

This reminded me of the time 19 months back when within one month, I lost both my mother & my father to cancer. Even though they had been severely ill for the last few months of their life, nothing could have prepared me for the inevitable moment.

After their death, I went & stayed in the Art of Living ashram in bangalore. Not wanting to teach, not wanting to meet anyone, I would stay holed up in my room without seeing a single soul. Even though I have been on the spiritual path for so many years, after my parents death, meditations became a herculean task for me. Every time I closed my eyes, I felt the soft touch of my mom's hand in mine & this forced me to immediately open my eyes.

My everyday practice of 'Sudarshan Kriya' (breathing technique) & the positivity of my dear friends helped tremendously. 

Today, I am back to normal life. Thought I would share the elements that helped me get over the loss of losing those who are dear to us:

1.Give yourself space & time. Allow yourself to cry:

Healing takes time. After spending many years with someone, the person’s loss naturally brings a vacuum. I would allow myself to cry for hours thinking my life would never be the same again. 
Today I know(for sure) that time is the best healer.

2. Keep busy & Allow yourself to smile:

When we become busy with work, we have less free time on hand to ponder on what happened. Keeping busy also brings with it many opportunities to once again smile at life’s beautiful gifts.

3. There are others far worse off than me:

There is so much sadness in this world. So much suffering, just wake up & see. Getting out of our own small world & looking at people around brought me into a space of gratitude.

4. I thank God for the people I still have in my life:

The lady in wardha told me she had lost the desire to live & was very often tempted to commit suicide. I made her aware that she was not being fair to her daughter & husband by shutting herself from the outside world. Her son was gone, but she still had her own life & her family to take care of.

5. Get involved in selfless service:

Every time I miss my mom, I buy or cook(if possible) food(mom's favourite dish) & go feed a poor person. 
Going out & doing something for someone without asking for anything in return, brought a space of contentment & satisfaction that nothing else can compare with. 

6. Know the eventuality: there is nothing you could have done:

Loss brings with it many thoughts of things I could have or should have done. Few events in life are pre-determined, death is one of them. 
No matter how much we try, we need to accept that there is nothing 'more' we could have done to change the situation from being the way it is now.

7. Cultivate positive friendships:

The kind of company you keep at times of emotional trauma makes a world of difference to how soon you will get over the loss.

Reading Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji’s knowledge, listening to Ashtavakra Gita & communication with my friend helped me heal a lot faster.

8. Make the person’s memories immortal: 

Today, when I get complimented on my values or my caring nature, I mentally thank my mother for it. Whenever I get an opportunity I quote my father as an example for self-less service towards his Guru.

We can make the people we have lost immortal by carrying forward their goodness & their contribution to this world.

A dear friend lost her beloved husband & was unable to get over the loss. Her husband was an amazing photographer. She later hosted exhibitions of her husbands work & found solace in the hundreds of compliments her husband’s work got!

THIS is exactly what a friend said ‘Writing a blog is the best thing to do. Even after our death, our thoughts will remain immortal thanks to technology’

Message for the Week:

Value those you have, while you still have them. 

Make up with those who mean a lot, while you still have an opportunity.

Life is short & unpredictable. If you have been putting off that one phone call, 'now' is the best moment to dial the number!